i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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