8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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