Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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