We won't sleep together?
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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