I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
