Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
