his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
