literally had 100 drinks last night.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
