I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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