I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
How external is "for external use only"?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
