My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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