State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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