I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
