why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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