it hurts more in the daytime
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
