3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
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Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
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just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
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