Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Why is your signature on my underwear?
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
