Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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