I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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