i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
