Barsexuality is the new black.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Randomize
