mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
