it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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