If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
