And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
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You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
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just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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