She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
