I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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