I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
this boner is exhausting
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
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In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
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I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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