My first STD was from a foam party
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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