is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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