Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
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