He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
