i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Drunk walkin through police station. America
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
