All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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