The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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