Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
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