At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
