i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
