I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
