My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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