I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
