Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
