I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
My liver is preforming stress tests.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
