Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
