I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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