Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Randomize
