found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
