that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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