Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
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