You work out of a Hotel?
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
