My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
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Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
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Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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