Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
