I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Randomize
