it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
