That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
