hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
