drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
please don't ironically join a cult
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