Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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