While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
