Betty ford says i'm here all night
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
